I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
