Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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