her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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