if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
