Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if only i could text you this smell
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
