I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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