she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize