Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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