Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
