i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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