You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
