alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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