what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
