dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
