Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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