I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
