a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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