ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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