Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
