My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
