I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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