woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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