Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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