i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
