I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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