my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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