Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
