so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
