I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
