Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
