"it" just moved
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
