Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
