Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
