Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
