They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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