I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is