Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers