dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere