it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
