I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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