So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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