sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
