Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
