this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
