And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
