Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
