Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
did i just pee glitter
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
