he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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