Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no you cant smoke seaweed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
