I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
