i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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