when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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