I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
