you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize