i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We left an ass print on the piano.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
