white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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