I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
