I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
