Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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