I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
