What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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