cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
