If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
