She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
