Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We smell like vodka and hangover
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