What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
