dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
