I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
