He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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