All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dear god my vagina.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
